Fixing a hole

Im They're  fixing a hole where the  rain blood gets in..   Beatles

That is are poking fun, but actually there is a more serious tone to this post.

January:  Standard baby 6 week check up at local doctors.  Doctor heard a heart murmur. It was quite loud which indicated that the hole causing the sound was quite small (think putting your finger half over a hosepipe). Heart murmurs are the sounds made by turbulent blood flow through narrowed or leaking heart valves or walls. The doctor suggested it was likely the hole would clear up on its own, but worth getting it checked out for sure.
At this time she also started to drop down the weight percentiles (still putting on weight but not at the correct rate for a 'normal' baby. )
For these two reasons we were referred to a pediatrician who we then saw in February.

February: Pediatrician at Warwick Hospital. At this appointment she was again listened to and weighed, and had an electrocardiogram - 10 wires stuck to her body plugged into a machine to print out the electric currents going through the blood to check the heart was firing correctly. (Baby was more distressed at being weighed than having the electrodes stuck to her, as she was allowed to keep her clothes on for that bit!)
At the end of this appointment it was determined there was a hole between the bottom two parts of the heart, probably a Ventricular Septal Defect.
This usually fixes itself over time and some people live with that and it's never detected so not to worry.

They referred us to Birmingham children's hospital for an Echocardiogram to confirm the diagnosis.

July: Birmingham Childrens hospital. 6 months later and we've finally had the Echocardiogram.
We went assuming it would be a simple, 'yes its closed, no further checks' as surely the hole would have closed by now, but good to check.

The outcome was a little different that this...
We've been told that actually she has 2 holes in her heart, the initial hole has not closed up yet, but that's ok and we can leave it to do its thing.
However, the other one, that we didn't know of before, is a hole that is usual for babies in the womb but should have closed by the time she was 6 months. As she is now nearly 9 months then it will need to be plugged. This is an Atrial Septal Defect. Its likely that this is a reason  why baby is so small, shes on roughly 5th percentile for weight, as her heart is working extra hard and burning calories rather than fattening her up into a chubby baby!

So now we are waiting for an appointment, probably in Aug/Sept for key hole surgery to put a plug into the heart hole, like a tiny umbrella, which her heart tissue will grow over as she gets bigger.

If you are of the praying variety, theres a few things we'd like to you pray for please if you are willing:
That us as parents can stay calm and un-worrying, we are reassured that the BCH team are great and its the best place for her, shes in good hands.
That baby will stay healthy so that she can have the surgery when its scheduled.
That surgery will be scheduled in Aug/Sept rather than in October which is when she is due to start nursery as R will be going back to work.
That the other hole will close up on its own with no issues.
That there will be no complications.

GaRo - As parents who happen to be engineers its an odd situation. At the moment we are not really phased by this situation. We seem to be thinking like engineers, there is a problem to be fixed but there is a plan on how this is going to happen so no problem.
That all said, baby is having heart surgery, we think there should be emotion, but its not arrive yet.

Technical info here: Atrial and Ventricular Septal Defects

Parenting is hard, like really hard

Parenting is hard.
Not sure what kind of hard, I am thinking maybe granite. Hardened steel maybe?

Anyone with children will tell you that parenting is hard, no question, but usually then the bad stuff is out weighed by the good.

Except, for me, it doesn't seem to be.

Whilst I do enjoy getting the little one to smile, or achieve something new, I don't seem to get the reward feeling I was expecting.
The endorphins or that warm fuzzy feeling.
Sometimes I get it but even then it's a long way shy of covering the grief of getting cried at in the middle of the night.

Now this could be down to any number of reasons.
Maybe my anxiety / low mood are just taking the edge off the good bits
Maybe sleep deprivation is affecting my outlook.
Maybe as I only see the little one for a few hours a day, usually when she is at her most irritable.
Maybe I am just being a bit self centered.
Maybe with exzma and not sleeping through the night yet it is actually bad.
Maybe it's just how I now feel I no longer have any time alone.
Maybe I just miss being able to get things done.
All I really know is that in a comparatively short space of time things feel to have gone from 'going well' down through ok to 'surviving'.

Having a baby is a great blessing and privilege for sure, and knowing many people who are desperate for kids, yet here is me wondering if they can be pushed back in.
(I am assured they can't, mostly because they are bigger, that and something like a non return valve or alike).
I often feel bad about complaining about how hard things are particularly to those people but at this point but it's something that's been wearing me down over the relentless broken nights sleep day after day.

It's as if parenting just didn't live up to the hype?

I have forgotten what an unbroken nights sleep is.
Maybe that's the warm fuzzy feeling?

A lot of the above I expect is difficulties in trying to fit an engineering mind set to a tiny human which seemingly follows no form of logic.

If anything happened to the little one I would be distraught, no doubt or question, which shows a love and affection. The same is true for wanting to make her happy.

The good lady wife is very helpful and reminds me (at a time when I am able to be rational) that I can't reason with a 6 month old. Go through the routines until something works. It's not faultless but it usually works.

R looked over the post above for me, and asked, what's the purpose of the post?
Well I am not sure, could be simply to say I am not ok, to say to other new fathers, it's ok not to be ok and maybe even remind me in the future how things were and that all things pass.

She added, 'it's all just a phase', this just feels like a particularly long one.

Baptism - in a box

A slightly different sort of post this time - baptism.

This Sunday we'll be having baby baptised at our church.
It will be done by 'full immersion' - dunked into a plastic box full of (hopefully warm) water in front of our church family and friends.
For us as parents it is to declare that we have decided to do our best to bring her up in a Christian lifestyle with Christian teaching until she is able to make that decision for herself.
Its also to give thanks to God for giving her to us to parent. (Because despite the bad nights, the frustrating whining, and various gross fluids etc, we really are thankful to be parents to this little girl)

If you want to know more about what baptism is all about, and why we've chosen to have her baptised, either come along to the service or drop either of us a message!

If you'd like to join us for the baptism and dont already know the details, drop us a message and we'll let you know!

Dressing Baby - The Flowchart

I'll be honest, i rushed this a bit so it isnt exactly the neatest thing in the world.

Below you will find a flow chart of the sort of thing you need to think about when dressing a baby.
There is certainly more to it in some cases, and others, often less. The 'first thing out the wardrobe' or box on a shelf in our case is more often what seems to happen.
Particularly when bodily fluids are involved. (see our last post for the slightly gross details)

so without further a do, here is the dressing baby flow chart.

have I bigged it up too much?

i bigged it up too much

sorry....

Reusable nappies and wipes

Today I read that 'cloth bumming' is becoming a cult and that some people spend hundreds of pounds on limited edition re-usable nappies and have over 500 of them (thats about 2 months worth..). (Read here on bbc)
There are even 'nappy influencers'...
I'll let that sink in for a moment.
...
...

Generally our child wears clothes over the top of the nappy so it doesnt matter what it looks like, and shes too young to care if her nappy is fashionable! (unless we are interpreting her noises incorrectly)

For our family, there are two reasons for using re-usable nappies
1) to save cost over the nappy-time of child/ren (see cost suggestion here nearly £800 in disposables over 2 years, versus £265 here for a reusable nappy kit which can change size to match your child as they grow) - you can also use the re-usables for a second child, or pass them onto another parent to use.
2) to save the environment - or at least to send less to landfill (the previous link suggested over 5000 nappies in 2 years. Thats alot of landfill.(Obviously this doesnt take into consideration the power/water/cost of washing them, because thats too much to think about right now between nappy changes!)
[we didnt consider this at the time but 3) no chemicals in the re-usables next to babys skin]

Initially we bought a set of second hand nappies from ebay (which claimed to be fairly new, but Im assuming that despite the newness that they were washed wrong and lost a fair amount of waterproofness in the process) (if anyone knows how to make them waterproof again, I'd love to know!)
So then we bought some additional brand new ones which do not leak at all. We use all of them except that particularly leaky ones which are waiting to be fixed.
We currently only use them during the day when at home. We don't use them at night or when out and about yet because they dont have the magic blue line to tell you when to change them, and there are lots of other things to be worrying about already that its one too many things at the moment. (Hopefully at some point soon this will change and we'll use them all the time)
When the poop gets more solid (we're not there yet, its still like korma sauce, or peanut butter [you're welcome]) you can get flushable liners to flush the poop so it doesnt go in the washing machine!
They look quite pretty on the washing line:

We also use re-usable wipes, which go in the wash with the nappies, super easy, and again saves so much money on wipes and less things in the bin. You could even cut up an old towel/flannel and use a tub you already have for this. Or second hand off ebay.

We've found they clean a bum much better than wetwipes so we use fewer of them.

As with the nappies, we dont use the re-usables out and about yet, as I never remember to pack them to take, but eventually this will happen!

When we get onto food, I've found there are re-usable food pouches and things to help reduce waste too, but thats not for another couple of months.

Reasons not to use re-usables -

Effort: theres lots more washing and sorting to do. This is true, but you get into a routine, like with everything else baby related. Even just 1 or 2 nappies a day is a great start!

Cost: Its a large cost to start off with, rather than the cost being spread over several months/years. However there are places that do a nappy library, or trial kits, or they can be found second hand at a cheaper price. Or perhaps you have a kind grandparent or relative who would be willing to buy them as a present for the new baby, or you could ask friends not to buy fancy baby grows but to buy/sponsor a nappy instead? (that said extra clothes are always useful in event of bodily fluid escape)

Any more reasons?

I think there could be something there in 'Sponsor a nappy' like you sponsor goats and giraffes and things...

The Rules of Baby Fluid Dynamics

Fluid dynamics is a subject everyone has heard of but not many people understand. I am going to demonstrate how little I know about fluid dynamics by comparing it to a baby. I suspect the conservation of momentum might have crept in. 

With that, every action should have an equal and opposite reaction. This is true for baby fluids;

For every fluid in, there is a fluid out.

Whilst at a young age there are only really 3 inputs (milk, water or calpol), the equal and opposite reaction could be one of 4 possible outcomes. Wee, poop, sick or snot (sometimes even eye-snot, which is not a new electronic product).
It's amazing how creative the baby body is when inputted with milk, particularly considering that even when the milk is aways the same it can come out in so many different, ways and colours.

Whilst the original law may refer to force, milk my be projectiled back with a much greater force and velocity than when it entered. The same could be said for the others.

Babies, like fluids, will always find the path of least resistance into their most comfortable position. No matter how hard you try to sit comfortably, babies will wriggle around to find the comfiest position for them to fall asleep in, and the equal and opposite uncomfortable position for the holder to be in, who must then not move. Then you are stuck. With no phone, remote control or any other form of entertainment and the constant reminder that you SHOULD NEVER FALL ASLEEP HOLDING A BABY. So all you are left with is fear, lack of sleep and a dead arm/sore back. That said after a while, fear disappears into a haze of fatigue.

Opposite magnets attract and identical magnets repel. Turns out that babies and baby sick are of the same magnetic pole, meaning that any vomit will repel from them and stick to you instead. Even with baby being burped against the chest over the shoulder, with no path for sick to travel down between the two of you,  the sick always manages to go down your front,  get onto your sleeve and  knee, the sofa, the carpet,whatever else is in range, but not them. (this is our current experience which Im sure is just a phase and one day we will have to deal with baby marinated in sick)

Similar can be observed with nappies, whilst so far we've had very few poosplosions or poonamis (possible future geography babies post). We have observed baby poop can end up at the front of the nappy, without being present at the back from its egress point. we can only assume that the above magnetism theory applies.

Currently Snot is out biggest challenge, Snot Snot Everywhere so lets all wipe our nose on everything...Baby has a cold. But what has astounded us is the number of people still wanting a cuddle. Despite the guarantee of having everything they are wearing covered in snot. This is not a fluid dynamic as such, more a fluid that has the dynamic of getting everywhere but no one really minding that much as the 'cute baby' over rides it. Maybe Cute Baby is like dividing by 0, you always end up with Cute Baby. (we love her regardless of what fluid is present)

Now time to wipe the latest snot off my arms before it dries...

Pumps and Parenting

So as a part of this blogs intension is to keep you aware of little ones progress, but also offer some guidance to those about to go through the whole 'AGHHHH BABY' situation. 

With this in mind here is a guest entry from my significant other. 

"Nothing reassures me more that I've married the right man than waking up at 3am and seeing him already up bottle feeding our baby.

Bottle feeding with expressed breast milk, which is why I'm also up, for the MOTN pump. Middle of the night, the most important time for expressing milk as it 'puts in the order for the next day'. I learnt that from facebook of all places. It's also the most lonely time if I'm the only one awake. It would be a lie to say I've never been tempted to poke the baby so that all 3 of us could be awake together...

I was so unprepared for feeding baby when she rejected the boob.

When baby was born she spent a lot of time screaming at the nipple rather than eating from it. 

At the hospital, every time she needed to feed, we called the midwife over to help wrestle boob into mouth and nipple onto nose, making mum and baby ever more stressed and more tears from both each time. Each midwife having their own favourite feeding position, and despite all their help and effort, we ended up feeding baby formula and the tiny syringes of colostrum I had collected in the weeks earlier (collected with the attitude that I would only need these milk syringes if I failed at breast feeding). 

After a couple of days (still in hospital as they won't let you go till you know how to feed baby) it was suggested I should use the hospital breast pump so that I could more easily feed baby. This worked well, and so long as I pumped milk to bottle before baby's cries got too agitated then I could feed her the liquid gold. (I should say at this point that we have nothing against formula, but had always assumed that baby would be breastfed on the free stuff direct from the source)

One night I was woken by someone taking the pump way from my bedside, - did this person not know it was the only way I  was keeping baby alive?!?- I hadn't been told that there were only 2 pumps for the whole of the maternity ward and I had to share - at 2am with little over 6 hours sleep in the last 3 days this was the Worst Thing Ever.

Nobody explained to me how often or how long to pump for, or how the machine worked, or how much milk was the right amount. Mainly it's assumed expressing is just used so that your partner can give a night time bottle, or you can have some time off.

Eventually we made a plan for feeding which allowed us to escape the hospital - I promised to go to breastfeeding clinics, take her for a tongue tie inspection, use the medela hand pump which I'd previously been leant to express milk and decided to use formula as a back up if all else failed.

We were released. (Friday till Wednesday in hospital , baby was born Sunday morning)

No one warned me that by the time I was home and getting into the shower that there would be milk running down my body. Perhaps that's TMI.

I hadn't realised how bad hand cramp can be, with using a hand pump. 20mins on each side, every 3 or 4 hours, squeezing a trigger to make the milk flow. That's over 4 hours of squeezing a day. 2 days of this, along with the hormone soup and I was nearly giving up and often having a teary moment. A quick research of the only pump brand I'd heard of, and I then had a double electric pump - Medela Freestyle. This was followed by an emotional meltdown when the stupid pump wouldn't work because I hadnt read the instructions that it must be 100% dry before use and had just cleaned it.

(I actually really like this pump and would recommend it to anyone in a similar position)

I was still being encouraged to try to breast feed directly, (because no one can keep up with expressing so you'll have to fall back to formula...) the suggestion of nipple shields to trick baby into thinking the nipples a bottle... She's clever even at this age and knows that drinking from a bottle that pours out on its own is way less effort than sucking at a boob, so of course she continued to scream at the boob and at times I would scream back at her, and then give up and get a bottle ready.

But still the feeling that I had failed as a mother because I wasn't feeding my baby 'correctly'. 

I didnt know anyone else at this point who had exclusively expressed, non of my new mum friends were doing it, and everyone I told was amazed that I was able to get enough milk (I have a steadily increasing stash in the freezer now)

16 weeks in, and I've got into a pattern of sterilising bottles, and using a hands free kit so that my now 3hrs a day of pumping can be made useful in other ways. (So long as I don't lean over too far, made that mistake and spilt milk over so fresh clean laundry, or forget to put a lid on a bottle and knock it over at 4am on the bedroom carpet!)

I can pump while feeding baby from a bottle or nappy changing, I just can't hug her or burp her till I've unplugged.

I've joined a fantastic group of Exclusively Expressing mums on Facebook which are a great source of information and encouragement, I wish I'd found them sooner!

Our baby is quite happy to be passed around and fed by anyone from a bottle, and it's really helped dad and baby to bond well too.

My main issue now is: if I'm pumping every 4 hours, I need to be at home at set times. Have you ever seen anyone pumping in public? Sure breastfeeding happens all over, but a pump? 

How do I go away for a weekend or a day trip without pumping in public?

If someone were to create an app that would let people map suitable places to pump (I'm aware some shopping centres have nursing rooms), so that anyone visiting the area could look it up, that would be brilliant. 

Current plan is to keep this up full time till 6 months, then start to wean off while using up the freezer stash so that by 9 months I'll be free! 

Or I might decide during a lonely MOTN pump that I've had enough and I'm not going to do this anymore. But never quit on a bad day.

There's so little info available about the 'pumping life' from any formal outlets- any forms or questions you answer about babies feeding asks 'breast feeding or formula or both'? - nothing about 'breast milk, but from a bottle'

At the hospital i was given one bit of paper about where to hire a pump, but not how or when to.

In our pre-baby classes we vaguely mentioned that pumps exist, but only as a back up for being away from baby.

The NHS website barely mentions it.

The health visitor and baby clinics have breastfeeding councillors which tried to encourage me to keep attempting the breast even when I'd explained that I'd decided to continue just with pumping. 

And any mum (old or new) I've spoken to is amazed I've kept it up 'so long'.

I've found some great websites/blogs from mums who do exclusively express, and although I'll never meet these women and they wouldn't know who I was, they've been an immense support to me.

So I hope this brings you some awareness about expressing breast milk. If you have any questions about pumping, schedules, freezing, sterilising, etc, I'm happy to try to answer.

"

Now I shall continue making silly noises at youngling