The Rules of Baby Fluid Dynamics

Fluid dynamics is a subject everyone has heard of but not many people understand. I am going to demonstrate how little I know about fluid dynamics by comparing it to a baby. I suspect the conservation of momentum might have crept in. 

With that, every action should have an equal and opposite reaction. This is true for baby fluids;

For every fluid in, there is a fluid out.

Whilst at a young age there are only really 3 inputs (milk, water or calpol), the equal and opposite reaction could be one of 4 possible outcomes. Wee, poop, sick or snot (sometimes even eye-snot, which is not a new electronic product).
It's amazing how creative the baby body is when inputted with milk, particularly considering that even when the milk is aways the same it can come out in so many different, ways and colours.

Whilst the original law may refer to force, milk my be projectiled back with a much greater force and velocity than when it entered. The same could be said for the others.

Babies, like fluids, will always find the path of least resistance into their most comfortable position. No matter how hard you try to sit comfortably, babies will wriggle around to find the comfiest position for them to fall asleep in, and the equal and opposite uncomfortable position for the holder to be in, who must then not move. Then you are stuck. With no phone, remote control or any other form of entertainment and the constant reminder that you SHOULD NEVER FALL ASLEEP HOLDING A BABY. So all you are left with is fear, lack of sleep and a dead arm/sore back. That said after a while, fear disappears into a haze of fatigue.

Opposite magnets attract and identical magnets repel. Turns out that babies and baby sick are of the same magnetic pole, meaning that any vomit will repel from them and stick to you instead. Even with baby being burped against the chest over the shoulder, with no path for sick to travel down between the two of you,  the sick always manages to go down your front,  get onto your sleeve and  knee, the sofa, the carpet,whatever else is in range, but not them. (this is our current experience which Im sure is just a phase and one day we will have to deal with baby marinated in sick)

Similar can be observed with nappies, whilst so far we've had very few poosplosions or poonamis (possible future geography babies post). We have observed baby poop can end up at the front of the nappy, without being present at the back from its egress point. we can only assume that the above magnetism theory applies.

Currently Snot is out biggest challenge, Snot Snot Everywhere so lets all wipe our nose on everything...Baby has a cold. But what has astounded us is the number of people still wanting a cuddle. Despite the guarantee of having everything they are wearing covered in snot. This is not a fluid dynamic as such, more a fluid that has the dynamic of getting everywhere but no one really minding that much as the 'cute baby' over rides it. Maybe Cute Baby is like dividing by 0, you always end up with Cute Baby. (we love her regardless of what fluid is present)

Now time to wipe the latest snot off my arms before it dries...